may06

Well, that was pretty pointless starting a second April page when I only added one entry. I guess I thought I'd add
more. Things are quiet. I think I'm in a bit of a creative lull. After nearly 10 years of painting, and writing too, I feel I
reached my ultimate goal some years ago, and now it's just fading out. I'm feeling kinda redundant right now. It's as if
I achieved all I could, though I wanted more. Earlier today when I was in the bathroom a car went by with stereo on full
blast. Usually it's just trendy music and all I hear is 'thud thud thud', but this was an old song by Fleetwood Mac and I
heard as I brooded over the troubles of the past "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop, it'll soon be here. It'll
be better than before. Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone. Don't you look back."... Coincidence? I'd like to think that
was a message sent my way, to give me hope for the future cos my life seems to be going nowhere.

Last week on my regular walk to the duck pond, I met an interesting person. He was sitting on the park bench with his
dog and we got chatting. He told me, "You need to know where you've come from to know where you are going." We
were talking about history, both local and general, and to his statement I said I was clueless. Most people have their
'roots', they live in their birthplace and have strong ties with family and/or country. But I've been uprooted so many times
I've no solid ties at all. Maybe I'm a drifter. Perhaps it is as someone else said, that I don't want to make commitment,
and that is partly the truth. I know what I DO want, but is unattainable right now, so I just sit... and wait... and wonder
what will be. As I've said before, I have tried to make changes but to no avail. Though unlike most people, I know my
destiny, the future beyond this life, but what happens in between is what is confusing and unknown.

I've been sitting here for nearly 2 hours writing this, cos I'm finding it hard to find the right words to express how I really
feel. I write long passages then delete them. Then I just stare out the window to the sunny skies and ponder. Though
this journal was not intended as a book of philosophy! I'm sure I'm boring you. :) But just to say, I think I would be
astonished if this year came to an end with nothing of spectacular importance happening. I've had my fill of bad things
and I'm waiting for something good. Nearly everything I say sounds like a contradiction because what I've gained has
been even beyond my wildest dreams and is good, and this has all been because of one being, my Yehren. The other
things I write of which are negative are earthly affairs and it plagues me that I have been ineffectual in bettering this life.
I feel I've done all I can and can do no more.

In last month's journal I mentioned going to a greyhound sanctuary. These poor dogs are often mistreated in the racing
industry and the more I've researched the topic the more horrified and saddened I am. It was only recently that I found out
how cruelly greyhounds suffer and found a good website that supports the ban. Please visit it if you care about animal
rights and the protection of these gentle creatures. (Just click on the banner above). Here is one statement from the
site... "The numbers of greyhounds that need rehoming is so large, not because they don't make good companions, but
because of the sheer numbers of them that are bred and rejected every year by the greyhound racing industry. Of the
estimated 40,000 puppies born into the industry yearly, only 1 in 20 will generate enough money to stay alive until 2 - 4
years of age, when the dogs are no longer at the peak of their careers. It is estimated that over 30,000 greyhounds are
"retired" from racing every year through shooting, drowning, being sold to vivisection labs or by being abandoned". It is
also common for greyhounds to have their ears hacked off by their malicious owners, so as to remove the identity tattoos.
There are other good websites out there which support a ban on greyhound racing, and many rescue centres which help
the abused and abandoned dogs.

~~~

The list of my current art projects is still the same as listed in the January journal, ie:

-The Mage (illustration complete & ready to paint. View in 23 November entry)

-Fairy Song (illustration complete & ready to paint)

-The Fairy Garden (as above)

-Stormy Repose (illustration nearly complete)

-Secret Places (picture in progress)

As always I've got many new designs milling around in my head, and since acquiring the knowledge of the abuse in
Greyhound racing I may do a special painting or two in tribute to this cause.

Tonight I watched a program on Channel 4 about animal rights activists. No surprise that the program was rather
biased and ignorant. Some people call these animal rights protestors 'extremists'. I would call experimenting on an
animal, locking it in a tiny cage, strapping it down, feeding it poisons and cutting it open to be far more extreme.
People are prosecuted for animal abuse, but in legal animal testing, it's the other way round... a person can be sent to
jail for rescuing an animal from these torture labs. How did this world become so vile and cruel? ALL living creatures
deserve love, care and respect.

I recently completed two new paintings, 'The Mage' and today 'Fairy Serenade' (I changed the title from 'Fairy Song'). I
wasn't sure with either painting which colour scheme I would use and that can sometimes botch a painting for me, but I
took things slow and each painting turned out better than my expectations. The Mage looks very much like my Yehren. :)
(remember you can view the illustratiion for The Mage in my Nov 05 entry). Fairy Serenade was quite a detailed
illustration and I thought the painting may prove too much of a challenge but I love the way it turned out. I haven't put the
illustration for this one in my journal... well, I gotta keep some surprises! But I'll probably include it here once the painting
is uploaded on my site. I've got a big job ahead of me... I've completed most of the new background designs and
navbars, so that will all have to be transferred onto my website soon. I hope to have the update done as soon as
possible.

Looking back on my old paintings, I've definitely improved. The early ones were sometimes 'muddy' as I tended to paint
too fast, plus I didn't have the fine paint brushes I have now which help with the detailed work. The extra hours I spend on
my paintings now is definitely worth the time and effort.

I just realised something. The Fairy Serenade painting I did today features a waning moon and presently we are in a
waning cycle. I go to bed late and the past few days I've seen the moon at the first light of dawn, surrounded by the
colours of sunrise. The moon looks really enchanting at that time... I like the simple things in life. :)

I was in a pretty bad mood yesterday and I had written some strong words here, but as night came and I calmed down I
decided not to post them on the net. My mood was set off by the cacophony in the neighbourhood, though thankfully
today was fairly quiet and it gave me respite. Like I said on the Artist page, my dream is to live on acreage and this
dream only gets stronger. I don't like being surrounded by a lot of human activity and when it gets too much I just want to
close myself off from the world.

Troubles with my monitor didn't help my mood either. It's been playing up a lot and the screen becomes glaring bright
for no apparent reason and the only way I can fix it is by slapping the side of the monitor (though that doesn't work
everytime). I got so angry yesterday that I hit it hard and suddenly the screen just 'dropped' and I thought that was the
end of it. As it turned out I'd accidentally hit a few buttons which adjusted the position of the screen. I just hope my
monitor will last me a bit longer. Also my computer clock has been running very slow which is a bad sign. It most likely
means the battery on the mainboard is on its way out which means no more computer! So, if suddenly things go quiet
here in my journal and there's no new updates you'll know why!

On the weekend I spent the nights watching Lord of the Rings. I bought the first two movies a while back but never got
round to watching them as their length put me off a bit. The extended version of The Two Towers goes for over 3 and
half hours! Nevertheless I sat down and watched and I really enjoyed them. I just ordered the third in the series from
Amazon last night as I'm eager to know what happens next. I also recently bought Final Fantasy VII. I've never played
the game but the movie was great!

Ug, there goes my monitor again, friggin blinding me! Despite this annoyance I finished the last of my website
backgrounds today. They took so much longer than I thought they would and wondered if it was worth it. Well anyway,
the update shall be done soon and hopefully my computer will last out!