june06

Things have been quiet. Just about everything I wrote in the previous year, questioning myself and wondering about
my direction in life seems to have dissipated. There seems to be no more uncertainty. Although I don't feel I have
direction, I am feeling comfortable in this period of 'stillness'. I'm not wondering too much about things and I'm no
longer concentrating on trying to fulfill earthly dreams or ambitions. I came to the conclusion about a month ago that I
should stay focused on what I set my heart on many years ago, to continue in my creative pursuits, and my dedication
and love with my twin soul Yehren. Though I thought I may have been destined to find a greater purpose in my earth
life, and I tried to find it, I found only an empty feeling in that pursuit. So deciding to keep focus on what is most
important to me and realising that maybe this was my life's purpose from the start, I've found an inner contentment.

Right now I feel good. It's evening time. It's warm and sunny with a fresh breeze and the scent of two moonflowers
which blossomed on my plant today has filled my home with their heavenly scent :) Although I was in a pretty foul
mood the previous few days, once again because of noise in this neighbourhood which grates intensely on my
nerves. It seems to be the one big problem in my life, one that I can't resolve. I'm out of place here, and yet I feel that
way in Australia too. Often I get left feeling like an oddball that has no place at all.

I anticipate that my update will be completed by Sunday night... hopefully! I've done most of the work already and the
pages just need to be uploaded to the net. I have to save my FairyLord website as a whole when I update it, even if
it's only one picture I've added, so that is why I wait until everything is completed then I can upload all new
images/pages at once.

Well, the update didn't eventuate. The weekend was hot and dry which is perfect conditions for my hayfever. All I
can do is lay flat out on the bed with a box of tissues at my side. :S Much like myself, my computer crashes in hot
weather too, so attempting an update was pointless. Thankfully today is a little cooler (although my monitor is on the
fritz again and the screen is near impossible to see... if it's not one damn thing it's another!)

Yesterday morning I was up early trying to keep the hayfever under control and as I stared out the kitchen window,
much to my surprise I saw a Transam on the laneway beside my home. I've never seen one in England before and
only a few in Australia (Transam is an American car). I've always loved them, since the 80's. They are the 'black
beauty' of cars :) It was parked behind the garage next door. If it comes back I'll have to take a closer look.

Last night when I was taking the rubbish out, a toad hopped in front of me. Being that the past few days have been so
dry and hot, I worried for the little fellow. He hopped away from me and disappeared under a scooter cover. I put out a
tray of cold water nearby and after about a half hour, there was the toad sploshing around in the tray :) I just hope he
(or she) made it through the night. It may sound silly to some that I write about this, that I show such concern for a little
creature, but I love all living creatures (not so fond of humans sometimes though! haha)

So anyway, I'm not sure when I'll have my new paintings posted on my site, but it should definitely be complete this
week.

I got so apathetic yesterday that I didn't even upload that last entry. <sigh> I feel a little better today though. I'm only
really here writing this just to let you know that my update should be done tomorrow. I'd hoped to get something done
last night, but my website failed to save. I'd run out of hard drive space! That was quite a problem and I had to clear
out some files, delete and copy stuff and it took some hours. But eventually I got it all sorted.

Today I went into town and bought a hi-fi from Argos. I mentioned in my April journal that I bought one from Ebay but
that it didn't work. Thankfully I got a full refund. It's taken me a while to get a replacement as I wanted to make sure I
got a good stereo, within my budget, and did a lot of research online, reading reviews, etc. I got a Sony micro system.
For a compact hi-fi, it has great sound and I'm very happy with it. For the past few months I've been using my Hitachi
personal stereo (or 'walkman' as some call it) but now once again I can listen to music without headphones. Yay!

I'm having trouble with my monitor again, with the brightness going out of control and making it impossible to see the
screen! So once again this update is gonna take some time and patience. This is so annoying!

It's been a quiet month for updates. I've been in a pretty crummy mood the past few weeks and didn't feel like writing
in my journal. It started when I began a new hayfever medication, which didn't work, just like the others I've tried in the
past which didn't work. <grumble> I thought the medication was making me moody so I stopped but the moodiness
continued. The cause... the one thing I've said before. Noise... constant noise in this neighbourhood. I now mostly
use my computer between 11pm - 2am just to escape the constant interruptions and stress the noise gives me. I
think this is because this situation has existed for so many years, not necessarily because it has become worse
because it hasn't. My nerves are just shot. I'd love to live in the countryside just surrounded by the sounds of nature.
A chance to find peace and recuperate... a dream to fulfill perhaps only in the next lifetime.

My update was completed on the 14th as planned. Hope you liked my new paintings :) I'm still not entirely satisfied
with the backgrounds and the general format of the pages, but for now it will suffice. My next projects will probably be
for the Stormmaster page. The picture below is the Fairy Serenade illustration, as I mentioned previously that I would
feature it in my journal after I put the painting on my website. So here it is.