july06

The past few days I've spent quite a bit of time on the internet looking up pictures of my little dream house. Sometimes I
just get carried away with my day-dreams and can spend hours just looking at pictures and getting lost in my thoughts.
I must of collected about 20 pictures, two which I'll feature here. These two are vacation homes, ie: cabin rentals. I've
always loved the idea of living in a secluded cabin hidden away amongst the trees. I also love the idea of living in a
castle! Though I think i have the preference for the wood cottage.

I've also been doing a little research into buying natural/organic body care products, such as shampoo, moisturiser,
deoderant, etc. There is a lot of harmful chemcials in most supermarket brands and up to 60% of these chemicals can
be absorbed into the bloodstream. I find it near impossible to find all natural organic products in the shops here so my
only choice is to buy online. The site which impresses me the most is "www.theremustbeabetterway.co.uk" Their
products are all natural, mostly organic and suitable for vegetarians and vegans and not tested on animals, which is
important to me. Just the other day when I went food shopping I was thinking that my vegetarian diet can be a little dull,
but then I soon realised I was travelling behind a livestock vehicle carrying pigs. It's heart-breaking. So many more
people would become vegetarian/vegan if they saw some of the horrors that domestic farm animals endure. I'm a
vegetarian so that means I still eat dairy products (vegans don't eat any animal produce). I always buy organic dairy
produce wherever possible, knowing this comes from farms which don't feed their animals antibiotics and artificial
hormones. It's important for us veges to take the time to read all the ingredients in food because animal ingredients
come up in places you'd not expect, such as confectionary and desserts. And if you like alcohol (I never touch the stuff)
you'll also be surprised to know that in some beverages they use gelatine (animal fat) and isinglas (fish bladder) in the
fining process. Yuck!

Some who view my art may think I'm a rather adventurous type, a little untamed maybe, but I'm nothing like that. I'm a
quiet person... just a simple vegetarian, non-drinker, non-smoker, nature lover type. :)

As for artistic endevours, there hasn't been any at all! I haven't done a drawing in quite a while. But the inspiration has
in no way dried up, so maybe I'll get round to some illustrations soon.

I think this is going to be the slowest month for journal entries yet. I feel like both my life and creative urges have ground
to a halt! Often I feel in the need to clear everyday chores, to start afresh in everything I do, but what for, I dunno. I get
irritable knowing I have things to do and can't seem to clear the clutter from my mind. It's almost as if my mind is telling
me I'm always busy and haven't got time for anything else, which is stupid cos I've got bags of time! And when I
eventually do get round to doing some stuff, I'm always in a rush. Generally I'm just a bit frustrated with life at the
moment. I can't seem to move forward nor get any feeling of accomplishment.

I've got a fan on my computer as I write this cos I'm concerned it may overheat. We're getting a hot spell here in
England with temps around 30C. The landscape is beginning to remind me of home (Australia). The grass is turning
yellow and everything looks dry. Thankfully though my hayfever has just about disappeared.

Tonight I got wandering around the Deviant Art site. For those of you not familiar with it, it's a huge website featuring
thousands of artists around the world. It's much like Elfwood though more in depth. I came across some more good
art featuring nice long haired guys. Be sure to visit the pages for 'Brighnasa'. Her featured piece is stunning.

I remember when first I put up my FairyLord website, I rarely found any other female artists who portray the sensual
image of a male, but now there seems to be many. They're also personal, like each artist has their own special
characters and more often than not, their own stories. I believe that many of these artists are inspired in the same
way that I am, by spiritual beings, but they just don't know it. The proliferation of angels in art certainly is a big clue! I
definitely get a certain vibe from some artist's work. I admire their creative enthusiasm. I sometimes wish I still had
that same 'fire'. It's still within me, though not as strong as once it was. I feel the need to accomplish so much more
like I said, but I feel like I am unable to.

I think I've got to a point in my life where I feel the need to live my 'fantasies'. I no longer just want to write and paint
the source of my inspiration… I want to live it and create it in a better world. I've been an observer for most of my life,
now I want to be a participator, but not in this current reality. Yes, I think that is the source of my frustration, the need
to do something great without all the burdens of this world. Very little in this present earthly existence really motivates
me. I know of a new world to come and I'm anxious and eager for it.

In last month's journal I featured a piccy of a Pontiac Trans Am (an American car). I got all excited cos I thought I saw
one close to home and I've never seen one in this country before. I love this car. It's my dream car. But I was
mistaken about the car I saw. It wasn't a Trans Am. So okay, it was early in the morning, I was half awake and only
saw a glimpse of it on the road. When it returned I got out my binoculars and discovered it to be a Toyota Celica.
Anyone reading this who knows about cars is probably laughing at me! But much to my surprise, after I did some
research online, there are some close comparisons. Here are two pics I found. The Celica picture is identical to the
car I saw. You gotta admit that they are similar!

I got to wondering if anyone DID own a Trans Am in this country and looked on Ebay to see if anyone was selling
theirs. Yep, there were a few, but not many. Despite the small selection, the car of my dreams turned up... A black
automatic 88 Trans Am. The location was not that far from me either. I felt like I was meant to have it!! The 'buy it
now' price was £4200. Me want!! But me have no money. Me sulk. If the link works (it's very long) you can click on
the picture to take you to the seller's page (not that it probably interests you!)

I guess that's another dream that will gather dust. :( I wonder what it would be like to drive such a magnificant
machine? Most of my life I've travelled in small cars and they're like riding around in a tin can compared to the big
cars. I wonder why I suddenly want this car so bad. I've never been the materialistic type and I made sacrifices for
them to pursue other things far more important. Thing is, I've always wanted a black Trans Am, since the 80's. I went
to see KITT (the Knight Rider car) when it did it's tour of Australia in 87/88. :) And now it seems those dreams have
come back to haunt me. I think this has something to do with what I said above, about being ready and waiting to live
my 'fantasies'... the perfect home, perfect car, perfect pet (my 'doggy dreams' mentioned in my April 06 journal). And
those dreams are very specific in detail too. I guess I'm just torturing myself!

Maybe it has something to do with the contact I have (or don't have) with my spirit companion. I've mentioned Yehren a
few times in my journal entries as he's such a big part of my life, the most important part of my life. But lately contact
with him has been very sparse and it's not something I can really do anything about. I don't know what is going on in
his world and it saddens me when I'm unaware of him. With this situation being so out of my hands yet so vital to my
life, I guess that can make me a little obsessive over things which are out of my reach. Yeah, that makes sense.
Dunno if I'm right though.

~~~

I was looking around Deviant Art again yesterday and came across another artist who does nice long haired guys.
(there are two links in the above entry too).

I succumbed to temptation and decided to buy a Trans Am!
Okay, it's not the real thing, it's just a model - the Knight Rider
car KITT. It will most likely be the only way I'll ever own the car of
my dreams! I bought it from www.astromodels-uk.com off Ebay.
It's made from die-cast metal (quite a heavy item), it has a red
scanner light, a detailed engine, removable t-tops and other little
nifty features. I love it :)

I've not picked up pencil or paintbrush this month! So not a
creative month at all, but hopefully that will change in August.