january06

The moon had risen over the world

And in its light I thought I was alone

Nary a shadow to be found

To lead me the way home

In the darken wood I did stumble

Listening to voices that made my heart sick

I had lost my way to you

And the cold shine of the wintersun

It rose over the bleak wandering of my soul

I cried out to the one who knew my name

T'was in my shame my heart knew all along

That you had never left me

And a new light was risen over that dark world

Following thee I found where I belong

Watching the flower of the moon blossom again

For the past few weeks I've been reading a book about the human aura. When I read the chapter on the colours of
the aura and the meanings, I began to think of my art. My favourite colour is purple and I use that colour a lot in my
paintings and all the graphics on my site. It says in the book that "purple is the colour for the blending of the heart and
mind, the physical with the spiritual. It can reflect one who is searching." That's true. :) Another resource says
"Purple is the colour of the spirit, the mystics and the seers. It's the least materialistic of the colours." I also like to
paint with blues and black. Of blue the book says "It's the colour of calm and quietness. It reflects devotion, truth and
seriousness. It can indicate the development of telepathy. Deeper shades of blue can indicate loneliness which can
also mean a life-long quest for the divine." Black is often associated with negativity in the aura, but the book says this
is not necessarily so. "Black is the colour of protection. It is the colour that can shield the individual from outside
energies. It can also indicate that the person has secrets." I notice in many of my paintings I use purple and blues
which fade to black around the outer edges. In many ways I think my intuition of the aura, possibly either mine or my
beloveds, has been reflected in my art. Another interesting aspect was the 'silver twinklies'. The book describes
twinkling lights seen in the aura which are a sign of great creativity. I often paint sparkly dots of light around my
figures too. :)

This year hasn't started off well. I shouldn't be surprised at how inconsiderate, selfish and stupid people can be.
This doesn't actually have anything to do with my website but my personal life. I've spent the past 13 years going
around in a circle, confronted by the same problems that people bring over and over again. It's where I live that's
bringing all these problems. A great opportunity presented itself at this very same time, an opporunity to move to a
better and bigger place, but that hope quickly disintergrated. What bugs me is that I've already confronted these
problems, dealt with them and resolved them before. It's like I win the battles but lose the war. It's frustrating and
depressing.

Different religions have different ways at approaching and understanding life, such as the belief in reincarnation and
the soul's learning. We're here to learn lessons in the human condition. We're all obviously here for good reason
and to learn something, but to me it seems futile if you're faced with the same worries all the time and can never beat
them. I ask myself, 'well, what the hell am I suppose to do and if I'm suppose to be doing something else, give me a
friggin clue!' Acting in a passive way to these problems doesn't work, nor does being assertive.

This month has also been quiet in the spiritual sense. And once again I ask myself a similar question, 'what should I
be doing and can I make it better.' Often I wish I could do so much more, to tap into all the spiritual powers we
humans possess, yet have been suppressed for so long in this mortal condition.

All this has led to the lethargy and suppression of creativity, thus, no new paintings. I haven't sketched in a while
either. I've needed a different escape these past weeks and have spent many hours playing on the X-box. I've never
really been into games before, but this one, 'Soul Calibur II' has been a lot of fun to play. I've been hooked. Though
it's led to some silly dreams, like Astaroth whacking me with his mallet! I think I've spent way too long playing this
game and I need to get a grip on life though I was happier in my 'I give up' state. Issues from the past few years still
niggle me a lot too. And I wish what I know now I knew when I was a teenager. If I've been told about my perfect mate
more than 20 years ago, how different my life would have been! So again I ask myself 'was this really the path I was
suppose to take or was I meant for something different?' Anytime I try to make big changes in my life it back-fires, so
I get stuck time and again. To sit and do nothing is surely not the right path either, so what's it all about??

I'm feeling a little better today. I went into town and tried to forget about the recent troubles. It's been a poor month
for journal entries too. I hope next month I can make ammends. I got a new game for the X-box today called
Barbarian. The characters are pretty ghoulish looking and the graphics dark and atmospheric. It looks great and I
had a go at playing it this evening. It's gonna be a lot of fun. :)

I had so many thoughts swimming around in my head yesterday, some of which made it into this journal but today
I've drawn a blank. Sometimes it's nice to be blank.

To list my recent art projects which some I've mentioned in recent months...

-Mystifier (illustration complete & ready to paint. View in 21 December entry)

-The Mage (illustration complete & ready to paint. View in 23 November entry)

-Fairy Song (illustration complete & ready to paint)

-The Fairy Garden (as above)

-Stormy Repose (illustration nearly complete)

-Secret Places (picture in progress)

I also have other new ideas. I'd like to do another piccy for my StormMaster page, a winter outfit for him, and I'd also
like to do another Virgin Defender painting. I've probably got around 20 half completed sketches in my file but the
ones above are the ones I'm mostly concentrating on.