april06

I want a dog! Yesterday I was thinking of how wonderful of owning a dog could be. It's been a desire of mine for a
number of years, but always I put my dreams aside as my circumstances aren't absolutely perfect for having a dog.
Really it's only that I live in a flat that's the main hindrance (and a member of my household). But I know people who
own dogs in less fortunate circumstances than myself. When I go walking across the nature reserve there's usually a
number of people walking their dogs and I think of how great it would be to raise a puppy. I have all the time in the
world and could devote so much love to a special little dog. I spent the best part of yesterday and today looking up dog
sites on the net, mostly dog shelters/rescue centres as I'd love to adopt a rescue dog. I collected a few piccies of
my perfect pet and I'll put them here.

The pictures above came from dog rescue sites. I love the markings on the puppy. My childhood dog, Benji (a
dachshund) had similar markings. We (the family) lost Benji in 1977. After that time there was usually a
neighbourhood dog I befriended. Two I have very fond memories of, Wolf (a German Shepherd) and Sox (a cross
breed similar to the left piccy above). But for many years now, since around 1988, I haven't had any canine
companions. I'm definitely the type to desire/need a doggy companion. Maybe in the not too far distant future I'll fulfill
this dream.

I meant to update my journal with a last entry for March. I was all riled up over the slaughtering of the Canadian seals
and I was going to post some very strong words here. The cruelty is beyond words. If my only source of income was
the slaughtering of a defenceless animal, I'd move elsewhere to make a decent and humane living. This world is so
screwed up.

I've still been working on the new designs for my backgrounds. They're just about all complete now. Last week I
completed a fairy illustration. At first it was just a wing structure and was meant for something else, but bit by bit I
began adding to the sketch to make it complete. It turned out quite interesting. I'll scan it and put it here.

Last month I mentioned that I was cleaning up this bedroom, and it's taking much longer than expected. I thought it
would take just a few days, but after a few weeks I'm still going! Ug. So much mess and dust. The cleaning job
overlapped into the kitchen and I wound up cleaning out draws, boxes and other things. I'm pretty fed up with it now
but it's still not finished but hopefully soon it shall be. Late last night whilst in bed I was thinking about my life... I'm
making more of an effort to keep my home clean and uncluttered, and trying to keep my body healthy by eating right,
trying to keep my mind focused on what is good. I think I'm trying to clean out the 'debris' of my former existence and
I'm standing on a new path that is open before me. I see nothing though yet feel a great need for fulfillment. I've left
the problems and sadness of previous years behind me and even have a sense of optimism when I'm usually
pessimistic. I feel something big may happen at any time and I feel like I'm ready and waiting for it, something I've
waited for for a long long time. But I've no clue as to where these mysterious feelings are leading. The new path is
clear but with no signs. Back in my October journal I wrote "who am I?" I was pretty confused and lost at times, I
was sitting in a 'void' but now I feel more secure in myself yet I don't know what I'm suppose to be doing!

It may be expected that when one has a spirit companion I could ask at any time 'what's it all about' but it's not that
simple. My companion Yehren has actually been very quiet over the past 6 months (I usually receive regular
messages from him) so this too has left me feeling a little mystified. Still I often know of his presence and his
feelings, for which I am so grateful, but our thought connection has been somewhat 'diminished'. And then it leaves
me to ponder if this is a lacking in my perceptions or something to do with Yehren's side. But wherever this new
path leads, I'll be walking it with his hand in mine. :)

Anyway, onto some other things. I went into the city today. It's been a couple of months now and I was surprised to
see a lot of goths around the place. It's nice to see the boys growing their hair long again. :) I also visited my
favourite market shop 'Dreamcatcher'. It sells all sorts of fantasy/mystical/gothic stuff like swords, figurines incense,
jewelry, etc. Of all their fairy items, there was not a single male fairy to be found, which is disappointing but no
surprise. I asked the shopkeeper why there were no fairy boys for sale and she looked at me with an awkward mute
smile. Maybe I should have given her my website details. :)

Last thing to mention is a wonderful fantasy art site. I've come across it a few times during my travels on the net yet
kept forgetting to save it into my favourites list. I re-found it yesterday. The website is called Pangaea and has some
very beautiful, dark, romantic images. I'll put the link here.

I can hardly see the screen! The sun is shining through the window and it has nearly blotted out the monitor screen. I
can't turn up the brightness/contrast cos this monitor is temperamental. No matter... the sunshine feels good :)

Anyway, I came across some very interesting stuff today. It started with my dream. I felt partially paralysed during
the dream. I thought I had awakened at one point but was still in the dream, which is a very strange sensation and not
at all pleasant. This has happened to me before, usually when I fall asleep with my headphones on, and sometimes I
hear a voice through the headphones which is a bit frightening. Sometimes when I wake I wonder if I should have
listened to the voice rather than try to wake myself up but in the dream I seem too scared to try. I looked in my dream
book for an explanation of paralysis and it states "A feeling of oppression and of not being able to move usually
indicates that we need to, quite literally, sit still and be immobile within our ordinary everyday lives. We need to
remain absolutely still until we have decided what the appropriate action needs to be and then we can move forward
in an appropriate way." And that was a revelation because I had just written in the entry above these very feelings I've
been experiencing lately. A little later I went onto the web to visit the usual sites I visit each day, one being a spiritual
website. (It's not a religious site). It deals with the spiritual advancement of our souls and the earth and new changes
that are coming upon us. In the 'latest alert' section, which was dated yesterday, I read it and was really amazed!
The article states "We are currently in what I would call "standstill" energy... For the first 6 months of 2006, we will be
readying and adjusting for the big manifestations to come in June/July and through to August. We have come far with
detoxing, a great time of waning energy and removal and loss with nothing seeming to arrive, and great changes in
direction... After this last energy surge, I was motivated to clean my entire house (a lower manifestation of
purification). Letting go of some of the illusions that I had been allowing in my life greatly helped as well... As we
"standstill" poised on the ridgeline of a very New beginning, the energy surges will eventually come again. We are
moving into very New roles as the advent of creating the New Planet Earth is rapidly ascending upon us."

I was astonished to read how similar my own experiences have been, such as the current 'standstill' in my life, the
detoxing both physically and emotionally/mentally, the cleaning up of my home and the feeling/readying for a big
change. The words on that site aren't just personal experiences, but a global (and universal!) manifestion of changes
that many spiritual people are experiencing. The website is http://www.whatsuponplanetearth.com/latest.htm

This has certainly helped me gain some clarity over my personal situation.

I've darkened the 2 pictures above cos yesterday when I looked at them on a different computer they looked totally faded
and dotty. I also added some pictures in my first entry "Doggy dreams". The more I searched around on the net the
more I came to realise I had a liking for the lurcher breed and similar type breeds. Because owning a dog seems
unlikely for me I am thinking of sponsoring a dog. There are sponsorship schemes run by rescue centres for many
needy dogs in this country (and other countries too of course). I'm just having trouble finding a rescue centre with a
sponsor scheme close to home as I'd love to visit my sponsor dog. Some places allow interration with the dog, take
him/her for walks, etc, which is what I'm interested in. I've also come across some very sad and shocking tales of
abandoned and abused dogs. I'll never understand how anyone could mistreat an animal. There are many animal
rescue shelters which are willing to accept unwanted pets. There's absolutely no need for cruelty. It should be
considered a special gift to take care of one of God's little creatures.